I’m not sure where this blog is going, just thinking and typing, so let’s just see. Ever thought of things that can be empty? There’s empty glass, empty pitcher, empty gas tank, empty bowl (thinking of pets here), empty bank account, empty pockets – wow, I guess this list can go on and on. And then there is the thought of filling empty things.
One empty that is the saddest of all, I guess, is the emptiness of a hungry child’s stomach. I guess most of us have seen the pictures on TV of starving children. I think most of us who blog and read blogs are not familiar with that kind of emptiness. (Remember, I said most, not all, please read it and please don’t get your nose out of joint about that statement. I do not intend to offend anyone.) Back to my thought, now. It’s so very hard to see people in want, especially children.
I think probably most of us have had empty bank accounts and know quite well how that feels and it’s not a good feeling at all! There is empty glasses and we have to get up from our comfortable place and fill it again if we are thirsty – no big deal, actually. There are empty trash cans which is kind of a good feeling when you don’t have to go and empty it on trash day. (Kind of petty, I guess, but then it’s the little things in life that sometimes give us joy.)
Then, there is this other kind of empty. It is not something you can touch and feel nor can you actually see it, though you can see the results. It’s when a person feels empty. Most of the time that kind of “empty” comes from great loss, whether physical or emotional loss. Like if someone you love greatly passes on – you feel empty and grieve. And there is a grieving process you must go through to get past it. Then there is the emotional kind of emptiness. What is the process for that? Is it the same as the physical process? I wonder. I think maybe not because somewhere in the far away spaces of your heart there is hope – just a very tiny flicker, but it’s usually there. That hope may be in memories you shared which are comforting and yet make the emptiness deeper because you feel you won’t have wonderful and happy memories like that again.
The emptiness of hurt is something that seems like it just gets more and more empty when you just don’t know how you can feel any more empty. Crying does not fill the space, being angry does not fill the space – nothing fills that space. Nothing can fill that space but going back in time to make sure you don’t put yourself in the position where you will be hurt like that. But, of course, that is not possible. So, you sit, you cry, you go through the motions of living, but you just feel hollow inside and like you are just a shell. You smile and try to hide this emptiness because you just don’t want people to know or you just don’t want to talk about it because it is not something that can actually be fixed. It’s like a deep scar that cannot be removed.
I really don’t think I am the only one who feels this type of emptiness, though others may explain their emptiness differently. So, I guess my thought in sharing this blog is the hope that it might help someone out there to know you are really not alone, that others feel empty, too, and therapeutic to myself in the hopes it might help me, though at the moment of this writing it does not. Maybe later.