Closeness and/or Pleasing

It’s been a while since I posted anything – just felt kind of dry and I guess I needed a respite.  Sometimes I just need to take a step back – I’m not sure of all the reasons why but it just seems that way sometimes.

Have you ever thought about what it means to be close to someone?  I like to have people close to me – not necessarily physically but knowing I am on the same page with someone.  I’m a “people pleaser”, which is one of those “good things/bad things.”  Sometimes I am so engrossed in pleasing someone that nothing else matters.

Unfortunately, I guess I have been a people pleaser all my life.  Being an only child I wanted to please my parents and make them proud of me.  Sad thing is that no matter what I did it was never quite enough.  Yet, I still tried.  When I got married (at a young age I might add) I tried to please my husband but he was not one that shared his emotions or thoughts and was pretty much bland, so I never quite knew unless I asked.  Well, asking kind of defeats the purpose with a people pleaser.  We want to be told we have pleased without having to ask.

Then came my first 2 children.  I’m pretty sure I seldom pleased them – I really didn’t get it until I had my third child at the age of 40.  I finally “got” what was important to please a child (or at least I think I did).  It is said being young is wasted on the youth and at my age I can certainly agree with that!  If we could start off with realizing the wisdom it takes to live this life and go from there I think the whole world would be a much better place.

Oh my, think I have strayed from my initial thought I had today and am “all over the place.”  That happens a lot as I start in one place and then find that “rabbit trail” and take a turn to follow it.  Think I’ll just jump off that rabbit trail now and get back to my initial thought.

Today I was reading in my new devotional book called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young (and I already highly recommend it).  This devotional is quite different than any I’ve read before as it is written as though Jesus was talking directly to you and you just have this special audience with Him, which actually we can have any time we want.

The sentence that “jumped” out for me was, “Concentrate on staying close to Me at all times.”  I need to some how have that tattooed on my hand so I can see it all the time.  I get so anxious sometimes, mostly about pleasing people, that I forget He is always there and wants me to be close to Him – it is not He that strays away from me but me that strays from Him.  He is the One I need to concentrate on pleasing.  I believe if I concentrate on pleasing Him, everything else will fall into place and in the end I will be pleasing those I started out wanting to please in the first place.  And then somewhere along the line I will eventually “find myself” as I have tried to please so many others that I have lost me and forgotten who I am – which is another subject for another day.

I could probably go on and on from here but my objective in writing these “tidbits” was to keep them short and hopefully then they won’t be boring.  I hope my writing today will touch someone and be a blessing to them or cause someone just to stop and think and know who they are and who is important.

ADDENDUM:  As I reread this blog, I realized it really was all over the place and seemed as though It might be a little disjointed to others and so I started to re-write it and make it more grammatically correct.  Then I thought to myself, “Self, if you change this you will be defeating your purpose of trying to be yourself or find yourself.”  So, I think I’ll just leave it with the hopes, as I said, someone will get something or enjoy it.  Otherwise, it’s “therapy” for me.  LOL

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